June 8, 2018
Who do you turn to when you need to lean on someone? You are seen as the leader, the fixer, the champion, the driver. Heavy burdens when you, yourself, feel vulnerable and are in need of an audience. Not to fix, only to listen. It may only take a slip on the stairs to steal the wind in your sails. The missions of the day squashed as you temper the obstacles as they hit you and give notice....not today. Not today. Barriers to the mission, may it be of simple tasks or simple missions. The producer...the perpetual problem solver...at a stall. How annoying.
December 9,2015
considered steps with
hands intertwined
as wind gusts and decelerates
eddy through sentiment carries
exhilaration and chance
ceased by groundswells
fraught with obstacles
perplexity of memoir
appear as thunderous blow
consign muddied water
to page
shattering tenuous graspOctober 12, 2015
The fit test. The chameleon. Am I just fitting in, yet
again? I am so good at it that I cannot distinguish fitting in from belonging.
Belonging is the hope, but has remained as out of reach as the carrot that
sways from the tree branch in front of me. A taunt and a tease as real truths
are found within….deep within as I bury them from easy detection. I sense my
walk away lingering just beyond the mist, as hope holds me still.
They love how I can fit and perhaps love parts of me.
The parts that fit. Always pieces of me. Round circle square peg as it becomes
a series of life assimilations as I wander from one surreal world to another
finding familiarities that tie one day to the next. Life moves forward to
discover other worlds where I can rest my time. I always know as I deny the
truths. Hide. Hiding them from myself while developing series of logical
reasons and explanations. Know and deny. Hope holds all the risks.
I felt assaulted and abandoned in rapid succession,
but by two distinct personalities. A piece of my past that is always is
hovering like a vulture in the distance and then by a new romantic interest. I
was left alone to languish in my own thoughts in tortured fashion. Communication
was lost as time ticked on and assumption consumed near all hope. Despair was
the road I was left on alone and abandoned. The first blow could have been
soothed, but instead I was delivered a second blow of a different sort. Resolution
demands forgiveness and understanding, but bits of dust remain. Those
unanswered questions that only time can weed out.
August 11, 2015
it turns our head
it holds our breath
as the air caresses
skin laying exposed
greatest desire
lays empty, untaken
stirs with new interest
as want is unclothed
caution holds us still
senses on alert
slow steps forward
hunger drives will
as cares care less
want grips thrill
December 13, 2015
I wrote this for the NYTimes to speak to racism in our country
my reflection of soft
curves, color and lines
create the picture that defines
the vision in your mind
as the ropes tighten and bind
opportunity and equality
escape my reach
as pictures often teach
dismiss my value you preach
harbor anger, fear and hate
no place for a clean slate
my existence is far too great
for your race to toleratethese are the lyrics I wrote to the song that was produced and composed by my very talented nephew Mike Mellen. available via YouTube as well under ValleyHaze
Insular Worlds
(Chorus)
Close your eyes
look away
you don't want
to see
in my world
you could be me
Close your eyes
look away
locked in shackles
to the ground
beneath my feet
born into a
world where
there is no retreat
warm embrace
of your vanity
a disconnect from
your humanity
comfort sweetens the haze
and covets your blinded gaze
your island of
a painted world
better, so much better
(I am) pushing down the walls
banging on the door
shatter the glass between
the lives that
cannot be seen
June 2, 2013
the biggest problem we will see in the next 1 to 2 decades will be the retirement bubble bursting. Many companies paying large CEO salaries are the same companies that are underfunding their retirement obligations. When they go bankrupt as the baby boomers retire, the taxpayer will be on the hook for 250k per employee, employees will have lost most of their retirement funds and the wealthiest who robbed the funds will have their $$ safely stored in foriegn bank accounts. Social Security will survive and will be the biggest game in town.
May 20,2013
Sometimes the dead never die. It’s as if he rises up and
strikes at my family again and again to assail my sister while taking in tow
its collateral damage to those of us who have to bear witness to the ugliness
and horror as the raw edges again become exposed. It is almost 2 years now
since the tragedy of events unfolded. We have all coped differently in my
family with our responses linked to our individualized and unique roles we
played in this tragedy of horror. How we each relive it is intrinsically
connected to this role.
We had a sleepover at mom’s house. The old farmhouse
with horses grazing in the distance and rambling beds of annuals and perennials
cascading the landscape exemplifies to us all the comfort and release of what
embodies our own sensations of coming home. Here is where we celebrate holidays
and gatherings. Its uniqueness and bevy of ornamentations communicates to the coming
home experience. We had our annual girls only cousins gathering. It was yet
another wonderful event for reconnecting and deepening those ties that leave us
with that wonderful sense of privilege basking in our bounty of laughter, silliness,
kindness and sharing.
It was another great day in our family’s repertoire of
memories only to be breached in the dark of nights slumber by my sister
fighting for her life as my mother fought to awaken her from her terror.
Shaking and broken all over again, it requires a chemical remedy and blankets
of soothing to calm her as she was repeating over and over “tell me he’s dead… is
he dead?” as she shivers and shakes and cries herself back to sleep. The
morning delivers my mother to the day with the despair written on her tired
worn face. She looks as if she aged a decade and it’s hard to resist playing in
my thoughts that my sister can never sleep with my mother again. We all share the pain with my sister, but no one more than our mother. If he hadn’t
killed himself, surely one of us would have for what he did. What he did lives
on and grips us at random and shakes us to our core. Sometimes the dead never
die. We are left to be knocked over by the wave of emotions, get back up, brush ourselves off and begin the day anew embracing all the fortunes of love, joy and laughter our family has to share.
April 10, 2013
Immigration for the "fiscal conservatives" The cost of deportation would be 1/
February 25,2013
I am a pragmatist and realist who happens to be spirtual. I prefer glasses.
January 06,2013
As the disparity of wealth grows....upward mobility (the American Dream) falls. We, as a nation, have to ask ourselves what kind of an America do we want. One of opportunity or one of privilege?
December 01,2012
As economic strength or wealth grows so does the desire for independence from laws that are seen as restraining it. The USA is in economic decline because of failures to invest in the research and development that is the backbone of American innovation, failure to invest in infrastructure that creates the necessary means of transportation of goods and energy sources, failure to maintain a dynamic educated work force and prolonged and protracted over reach with our military. The world's other economies are growing stronger and will make the USA and it's power irrelevant. The American Empire is falling. The worlds' police nation may have to rethink how we make our investments.
November 06,2012
Youth enhances ideology because they have not lived enough life to see the gray
August 13, 2012
I have said it before and will say it until the greater American populous embraces it. I am a job creator. I am the consumer in the equation of creating demand which in turn creates the market to produce and sell goods and services. Giving all the money to the top does not create jobs when they choke out demand by starving the consumers of a decent raise in wages. The excuse giving it all to the top and saying they "earned it" is insulting to the rest of the nation that year after year increases our productivity and gives excellent performance and is denied proportionate reward for hard work. The top does not make all their money by hiring a bunch of idiots who can't perform. They make their money by hiring talent and hard working employees. Failing to acknowledge this critical element needed for success is just one sign of the arrogance and greed prevalent in our society.
June 2012
Life is not perfect, but it is perfect in its' imperfections
